Tips and advices

The Sexual Wellness Vision Board is a tool to keep on track your intimate life with yourself and with your partner.
In consultation, I often find that couples complain of a lack of spontaneity in the sexual impulse. I then ask them what they put in place to take care of their intimate and relational life? Silence

The number one mistake is to think that desire, connection, sexual attraction must always be spontaneous. It can work very well in the beginning and in the long run it’s more complicated. However, what always works it is by putting erotic elements into play every day that nourish your sexual well-being
I realized this vision board so that the couples set up each month erotic elements which will come to take care of their complicity and sexual wellness.

How it works

1. Download the template

2. At the beginning of the month or at a ritual date of the month, Install the two of you to fill in the right part together. Write down the erotic things you both decide to set up for the next month.

3. Then together or separately, fill in the left column on the things that you will put in place to take care of you, your self-pleasure. Your solo time is extremely important and will fill your erotic life together. The best is to be able to spend quality time with the other when you feel full and nourished.

4. At the end of the month or a month after the approval of the vision board, Sit down together to debrief the things you liked, the hightlights of the good times. And give adjustments on things to improve for the next few times.

5. Repeat this process every month of your relationship. And have fun !

PS : For couples undergoing sex therapy, the feedbacks from this vision board can be interesting to work on during a session.

This section of tips had been co-written with my colleague Camille Nerac. You can also find their illustrations on my Instagram page “camilleparlesexe“

In the face of various conflicts, the best attitude to have would be one of assertiveness. This attitude is understood as the ability to express oneself and defend one’s rights without infringing on those of others. This can be learned, especially through what is called “non-violent communication” NVC.

How do we do it in practice? The NVC method can be applied in 4 steps.

1. Observation: describe the situation objectively.
2. Feeling: express the feelings experienced.
3. Needs: clarifying needs and expressing oneself as “I”.
4. Demand: make a demand that is concrete, precise, positively formulated and negotiable.

So: “When I see/hear (describe the situation without judging), I feel (name the emotion felt) because I need (describe the need) then I ask (name the action that will satisfy the need).

Keys to optimal dialogue

Now that we are ready to listen and formulate our feelings correctly, how do we do this in practice? Here are some keys to create an optimal dialogue:

• Be careful with the words you choose for dialogue. 

Extreme words such as “always” or “never” tend to generalize to the whole of daily life and couple life. In addition, they can create a feeling of invalidity in the partner.

• Open-ended questions are used as much as possible. 

Unlike closed questions, they do not dictate specific answers such as “yes” or “no”.

• After hearing the other’s feelings without judgment

We paraphrase to ensure that the message and show the other person that we listened carefully.

• The needs of both partners are taken into account and a solution is found together

Let’s think as two members of the same team and not as two opponents. Hand in hand, we face the obstacle.

• We don’t assume that the other person knows our thoughts and reactions

We focus on the present, avoiding using past behaviours to defend current blame and trying to remain open, positive and caring.

Masturbation is one of the keys to a fulfilling sex life. It allows, among other things, the learning and knowledge of one’s body, desires, what we like or dislike and the way we like to be turn on. It’s also OK when you don’t masturbate! As in all aspects of sexuality, you shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t feel like it. Moreover, everyone has their own recipe, there is no one way to masturbate. What can be interesting is to change the scenario from time to time and thus avoid settling into a sometimes stereotypical routine.

• Change positions

 Vary the positions in order to (re)discover different sensations: on your stomach, standing, with your legs together, with your legs apart, sitting, on your side…

• New ways of touching

 Our sensitivity is such that, even for the same caress, a change of rhythm, pressure or movement changes what we feel. Here’s an example: in standing position, touch your penis or vulva and move only your pelvis rather than your hand. It is very instructive to understand the role of the gluteal muscles and to better control your excitement!

• Take your time

Try edging for more intense orgasms. This sexual technique consists of arriving on the peak of orgasm but delaying it several times.
Three techniques are possible… 1) Pause, stop all stimulation just before climax, go back down to zero and then get excited again, 2) Hold the orgasm by focusing on something other than the originally stimulated part 3) Decrease the pressure, for example, wider and/or slower movements on the sex to reduce the influx of pleasure.

It’s not always easy to talk about sex, even to your partner. You may be afraid of hurting, afraid of your partner’s reaction or simply be embarrassed. However, it is very beneficial for your emotional happiness!  Here’s a little exercise that will help you approach your relationship and sex life in an imaginative and fun way!

• Take some time to look at your relationship and your sex life today 

How does it look like? Describe with words, emotions, pictures, symbols.

• Highlight the strengths of your relationship

How well do you work together, both in everyday life and in your intimacy?

• Imagine the worst in order to become aware of your limiting beliefs

 This step helps to limit the discomfort they produce on your self- development and the development of the relationship.

•  Imagine the best thing that could happen to your relationship and your sex life

 This is the time of the craziest fantasies since anything is possible. Have no limits!

• Express to the other person negative and positive things that you haven’t yet dared to tell him/her

 and together, adjust to make your relationship and sex life more fulfilling.

We say it over and over again, communication is the main key to fulfilling sexuality. But where do we start to communicate our sexual desires?

Here 4 ways to challenge yourself this month, and start step by step:

• Expressing the way you like to be touched 

This does not necessarily have to be explained verbally, you can, for example, take your partner’s hand and indicate what you like (movement/pace/pressure…)

• Exploring a new sexual practice

It’s a great time to share with your partner your fantasies, your ideas and your desires 👌🏼

• Cuddling

 Sex is not all about penetration. Sex is the pleasure of feeling sensations (using your 5 senses).

• Express your desires starting with “I”.

I would love to experience more oral sex with you”, ‘I prefer that you touch my breast instead of my vagina”, “I would like to see you on top of me” …