Conseils

 

Le Sexual Wellness Vision Board est un outil qui vous permet de suivre votre vie intime en solo et avec votre partenaire.
En consultation, je constate souvent que les couples se plaignent d’un manque de spontanéité dans l’impulsion sexuelle. Je leur demande alors ce qu’ils mettent en place pour prendre soin de leur vie intime et relationnelle ? Silence

L’erreur numéro une est de penser que le désir, la connexion, l’attraction sexuelle sont des choses qui doivent arriver seulement de manière spontanée. Cela peut très bien fonctionner au début et, à long terme, c’est plus compliqué. Que faire alors ? Agrémenter vos journées d’éléments érotiques qui nourrissent votre bien-être sexuel. Vous verrez dès les premières semaines les résultats.

Pour vous aider, j’ai réalisé ce tableau de vision afin que les couples mettent en place chaque mois des éléments érotiques qui viendront s’occuper de leur complicité et de leur bien-être sexuel.

 

 

Mode d’emploi

1. Télécharger le template
2.  Au début du mois ou à une date rituelle mensuelle, installez-vous à deux pour remplir ensemble la colonne de droite. Notez les éléments érotiques que vous décidez tou.s.tes les deux de mettre en place pour le mois suivant.
3.  Puis, ensemble ou séparément, remplissez la colonne de gauche sur les choses que vous allez mettre en place pour prendre soin de vous, de votre plaisir. Votre temps en solo est extrêmement important. Ce temps vous permettra d’avoir une vie érotique de couple de meilleure qualité. 
4. À la fin du mois ou un mois après l’approbation du tableau de vision, asseyez-vous ensemble pour faire le point sur les choses que vous avez aimé, les moments forts de ce mois passé. Et, faites des ajustements sur les choses à améliorer pour les prochaines fois.
5. Répétez ce processus chaque mois de votre relation. Et amusez-vous !

PS : Pour les thérapeutes de couples, ce tableau de vision peut être intéressant à utiliser comme outil en session. 

 

 

 

 

This section of tips had been co-written with my colleague Camille Nerac. You can also find their illustrations on my Instagram page « camilleparlesexe« 

 

 

 

In the face of various conflicts, the best attitude to have would be one of assertiveness. This attitude is understood as the ability to express oneself and defend one’s rights without infringing on those of others. This can be learned, especially through what is called « non-violent communication » NVC.

 

How do we do it in practice? The NVC method can be applied in 4 steps.

 

1. Observation: describe the situation objectively.
2. Feeling: express the feelings experienced.
3. Needs: clarifying needs and expressing oneself as « I ».
4. Demand: make a demand that is concrete, precise, positively formulated and negotiable.

 

So: « When I see/hear (describe the situation without judging), I feel (name the emotion felt) because I need (describe the need) then I ask (name the action that will satisfy the need).

 

 

 

Keys to optimal dialogue

 

 

Now that we are ready to listen and formulate our feelings correctly, how do we do this in practice? Here are some keys to create an optimal dialogue:

 

• Be careful with the words you choose for dialogue. 

 

Extreme words such as « always » or « never » tend to generalize to the whole of daily life and couple life. In addition, they can create a feeling of invalidity in the partner.

 

• Open-ended questions are used as much as possible. 

 

Unlike closed questions, they do not dictate specific answers such as « yes » or « no ».

 

• After hearing the other’s feelings without judgment

 

We paraphrase to ensure that the message and show the other person that we listened carefully.

 

• The needs of both partners are taken into account and a solution is found together

 

Let’s think as two members of the same team and not as two opponents. Hand in hand, we face the obstacle.

 

• We don’t assume that the other person knows our thoughts and reactions

 

We focus on the present, avoiding using past behaviours to defend current blame and trying to remain open, positive and caring.

 

 

Masturbation is one of the keys to a fulfilling sex life. It allows, among other things, the learning and knowledge of one’s body, desires, what we like or dislike and the way we like to be turn on. It’s also OK when you don’t masturbate! As in all aspects of sexuality, you shouldn’t force yourself if you don’t feel like it. Moreover, everyone has their own recipe, there is no one way to masturbate. What can be interesting is to change the scenario from time to time and thus avoid settling into a sometimes stereotypical routine.

 

 

• Change positions

 Vary the positions in order to (re)discover different sensations: on your stomach, standing, with your legs together, with your legs apart, sitting, on your side…

 

• New ways of touching

 Our sensitivity is such that, even for the same caress, a change of rhythm, pressure or movement changes what we feel. Here’s an example: in standing position, touch your penis or vulva and move only your pelvis rather than your hand. It is very instructive to understand the role of the gluteal muscles and to better control your excitement!

 

• Take your time

Try edging for more intense orgasms. This sexual technique consists of arriving on the peak of orgasm but delaying it several times.
Three techniques are possible… 1) Pause, stop all stimulation just before climax, go back down to zero and then get excited again, 2) Hold the orgasm by focusing on something other than the originally stimulated part 3) Decrease the pressure, for example, wider and/or slower movements on the sex to reduce the influx of pleasure.

 

It’s not always easy to talk about sex, even to your partner. You may be afraid of hurting, afraid of your partner’s reaction or simply be embarrassed. However, it is very beneficial for your emotional happiness!  Here’s a little exercise that will help you approach your relationship and sex life in an imaginative and fun way!

 

• Take some time to look at your relationship and your sex life today 

How does it look like? Describe with words, emotions, pictures, symbols.

 

• Highlight the strengths of your relationship

How well do you work together, both in everyday life and in your intimacy?

 

• Imagine the worst in order to become aware of your limiting beliefs

 This step helps to limit the discomfort they produce on your self- development and the development of the relationship.

 

•  Imagine the best thing that could happen to your relationship and your sex life

 This is the time of the craziest fantasies since anything is possible. Have no limits!

 

• Express to the other person negative and positive things that you haven’t yet dared to tell him/her

 and together, adjust to make your relationship and sex life more fulfilling.

 

We say it over and over again, communication is the main key to fulfilling sexuality. But where do we start to communicate our sexual desires?

Here 4 ways to challenge yourself this month, and start step by step:

 

• Expressing the way you like to be touched 

This does not necessarily have to be explained verbally, you can, for example, take your partner’s hand and indicate what you like (movement/pace/pressure…)

 

• Exploring a new sexual practice

It’s a great time to share with your partner your fantasies, your ideas and your desires 👌🏼

 

• Cuddling

 Sex is not all about penetration. Sex is the pleasure of feeling sensations (using your 5 senses).

 

• Express your desires starting with “I”.

I would love to experience more oral sex with you”, ‘I prefer that you touch my breast instead of my vagina”, “I would like to see you on top of me” …